Deanna's Mind

army relationships

its valentines day and i am visiting tumblr again. i havent been on here in a while but i feel like i just need to talk. military relationships are extremely hard. i have been away from my boyfriend for exactly 60 days. i havent gotten a kiss, hug, or an i love you in person. i havent been able to show him that  love him by making him cookies, taking him out to dinner, and just doing little cute things for him. it sucks. relationships are hard as it is, and when you put 5000 miles in between two people it makes it even harder. i think me and my boyfriend have been doing a great job though except at times we run out of things to talk about. haha. my relationship is hard but he means the world to me and i am willing to do anything to be with him. he is perfect in every single way. he makes me feel like im worth something. ive never met anybody like him. i cant help but feel selfish at times because i have only gone 2 months without seeing my soldier but there are people out there that havent seen their soldier for 6 to 9 months. those soldiers are overseas and fighting for our country. they cant call their significant others and even make sure that they are ok and i am sad cause ive gone 2 months without seeing him. i thank the soldiers that are serving and i especially thank the women that stand behind those soldiers because they are the driving force behind their man. i see all the things that men have done for their loved ones for valentines day this year and i wish so badly that i was with the one i love and i could get flowers and a kiss and an i love you. but i cant. but im not alone. there are other women out that are in the same position as me, and its really sad. holidays are hard and its just gonna get harder. i dont know what im going to do if/ when he has to get deployed. im already a wreck without him and i get to talk to him everyday. i love all the soldiers and i love all the women standing behind them and i love my soldier more than anything in this world. 

Planes

I am about three months away from going to Hawaii for Spring Break. I am super excited but scared at the same time. Money isn’t a problem. I am going to work my ass off during Christmas Break and I already have a lot of money saved. I am just scared cause it will be my first flight and I’m flying by myself. I think I am going to fly out of Washington D.C., land at LAX, get on another plane and then be in Hawaii. It is like a 13 hour plane flight there and 11 hours back. I am going to buy so many crossword puzzles and sudoku books. I was talking to my roommate last night about what exactly you are allowed to bring on a plane because shes flown so many times and her mom works for the air lines. I just don’t want to get lost. I am flying into the main Island Honolulu/ Oahu. My boyfriend will be stationed there and he’s going to pick me up from the airport. I don’t know if I can stay with him in his barracks ( sometimes you can, but we don’t know how Hawaii is) or if i will need to get a hotel. I’m not going to pay for the hotel tho. If I buy the plane ticket, he buys the hotel if I need one.

Fucking FB creepers

so have you ever had that fb friend that stalks your every fucking move. that one friend that likes your shit, comments on your shit, and then adds your friends that they don’t know. can you say creepsterrrrrrrr. I am not exactly sure why this guy stalks my every move but seriously if you have no job maybe you should get the fuck off of facebook and look in the help wanted section of the newspaper. And then i dont think that they should comment on my shit and tell me how unhappy they are about their life when I am clearly the happiest I’ve ever been. I don’t mind being that person that my friends can confide in but if every time I talk to you do you have to be in this big pile of self pity and self loathing that makes you seem like a sour puss. At least you are alive be happy about that. I just hate when people always want people to feel sorry for them and throw pity parties.

Pros and Cons

Substance: alcohol. Cons: feel like shit the next day, can throw up, you have to drink a certain amount to feel anything, it has a lot of calories, you can get alcohol poisoning and you can DIE. Pro: it’s fucking fun to be drunk.

Substance: Marijuana. Pros: you get the tingles, you can draw the craziest shit, you see sooo many cool things, you ponder the world and life, you ask intelligent questions, you can chill the fuck out, One “puff, puff, pass” and you are on cloud 9. Cons; apparently it kills brain cells( which you are doing anyway, just by living) and sometimes you can’t remember things.

NEVER DRIVE WITH EITHER. no bueno.

Just something to think about.

Staind- Tangled up in you :)

So was going to write about Christmas ideas i have in mind for my boyfriend but this song came on so I changed my mind. If you haven’t heard this song, you definitely need to listen to it. The metaphors he uses in this song to describe his feelings for his loved one are amazing! “You’re the fire that warms me when I’m cold. You’re the hand I have to hold as I grow old. You’re the shore when I am lost at sea.You’re the only thing that I like about me.” I think it’s pretty powerful to say that somebody is the only thing you like about yourself. That line gives me chills every time. I feel this way about my boyfriend. I would love to be 80 years old sitting in a rocking chair sipping sweet ice tea watching the sunset. When you know that you love someone and they love you back, there is no better feeling in the world. It’s an amazing feeling to know that somebody has your best interests in their mind. It’s awesome to put somebody else in front of you and your feelings and to do something for somebody just to make them happy. Another line in this song is “how long has it been since this storyline began, and I hope it never ends and goes like this forever.” I love that. I think love is great. I know people get hurt, hell, I am a prime example, but people should never guard themselves after they have been hurt because then you will never fully let someone in again and you will never fall in love and experience what true happiness really is. Just something that was on my mind haha. 

Bad Habits

I have a bad habit of biting my nails. Sometimes I do it out of stress, other times I do it out of boredom. When I am driving in an unfamiliar place I do it really bad. I love it but I hate it. I love it cause I relieve my stress but I hate it cause I can never paint my nails because I will just pick the paint off. I need to stop and I think eventually I will. But what will I do when I get nervous. I will have nothing to calm me down. I wonder why I started biting my nails in the first place. People can always tell if I’ve had a stressful day because they just look at my butchered finger nails. Another habit that I have when I am nervous or bored is cracking my knuckles. i probably crack all of my knuckles in my fingers at least 2 times a day, which will probably lead to me having arthritis in 30 years. I can’t help it. When I don’t crack them, I feel like my fingers are so tight and uncomfortable and when I crack them they feel so relieved and loose. That was just on my mind. Something to think about.

It’s weird.

I have two older siblings and I am very close to both of them. They have told me stories about friends that they went to school with that have already passed away. Most of them were related to drug and alcohol abuse. It’s weird to think that “a night out on the town” with one of my friends, could be mine or their last. It’s weird that I am old enough to where my siblings stories could be a reality in my life as well. I think that the passing of young people is so sad. There was a boy that went to Radford that passed away on Friday, October, 16th. He graduated from James River High, which is in my district. I didn’t personally know the guy but I just want to take the time to express my regards to his family and friends. I believe the cause of death was alcohol poisoning, which makes me so upset. I’m sure he was just looking to have a good time and things turned for the worse for him. This was a man, my age, our age, that lost his life. He will never graduate college, will never get married, will never have kids, and will never see another sunrise. In a way, incidents like this make me appreciate my life more and think about the consequences of drinking too much. I think it’s great to have fun, just know your limits and be safe. I know that sounds a little mom like but I think everybody in my English class is awesome and I want to see yall right there with me when we graduate.  

Besties= great roommates… not

So you would think that because my roommate is my best friend we get along all the time. NOT AT ALL. I mean I’m glad I roomed with her and all because if I didn’t, the beginning of school would have been really hard, but some of the little things just piss me off. Like sometimes when I talk I feel like she isn’t listening because she is on her phone and doesn’t really respond. If she does respond though it’s normally just a hmm or a yeah. I mean if you don’t want to listen to what I have to say then 1. tell me to shut up or 2. at least pretend you give a shit. I just think it’s really rude to pay somebody no attention when they are trying to communicate with you. Also if you happen to fight with her, you can’t exactly stop talking to her for a while because then your living situation would just be awkward and nobody wants that. It’s funny to me how people change from high school to college. We all grow and shit but sometimes I feel like our friendship isn’t the way it used to be. I feel like we don’t have the fun we used to have and we constantly try not to fight with each other. The only reason I’m writing about this is because we just had a little moment… I wouldn’t exactly call it a fight. And it was over something completely stupid… what else is new but I’m just going to wait until she cools off and settles down and then she will talk to me like nothing ever happened.   

Something different…

Ok so I was trying to figure out what I was going to write about this week and then it hit me… The legalization of weed, cannabis, ganga, marijuana, pot, and any other slang you know for the plant. This is what I believe. I think it is a plant that comes from the ground, therefore, in its natural form it should be legal. There isn’t anything wrong with it. Its just like any other plant that grows. However, I think that weed that has been laced with other more toxic and dangerous drugs should be illegal. I know it would be hard to tell the difference in the two types but that’s what I believe. If it was to become legal, the United States should treat it like alcohol. The laws for it should be you can’t drive when your high and you must be a certain age to smoke it. I don’t think that a grocery store should be able to sell it or anything like that. We should just leave that up to the bong and bowl stores like Kulture to deal with. To me, marijuana isn’t bad. Scientists believe that it destroys brain cells but I know many successful people that have great jobs with great families that have smoked all their lives. Also I feel like if it was so bad for our society then doctors wouldn’t prescribe medical marijuana to cancer patients. I also believe that people who smoke are the most creative. Some of the best songs of all time where written because of illicit drugs.